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Colleen’s testimony
I begin by thanking my parents for taking me to church
as a child and introducing me to the Lord. Growing up in
the Catholic Church, I have great memories of the church
during the holidays, beautiful and comforting. As I got
older and went through CCD, it became a bit scarier.
After making my confirmation, I was relieved that I no
longer was expected to attend church or CCD. From that
point forward I basically stopped going. I was left with
knowledge of the Lord’s existence, his son Jesus’ birth
on Christmas, the story of Easter, but not much more.
The only time we prayed at home was on holidays. It was
also really the only time we ever used our dining room
and my dad would always say the same prayer before
dinner. We had a Bible in the house for some time,
leather-bound with gold tipped, super thin pages. I
remember opening it, looking inside, and just seeing a
lot of thou’s. It didn't’t make much sense; so I closed
that Bible never to open it again. I wonder at times
what ever happened to it. Was it passed on or put out
for trash at some point?
I was married in my 20’s, divorced and became a single
parent to my beautiful daughters, one an infant and one
only two. Our first apartment was a one bedroom. With
the girls in the bedroom, I made a bedroom for myself in
the living room using some office partitions. A coworker
told me about low-income housing, food stamps, welfare
and such. I applied for low-income housing and as the
Lord had it, was offered housing in an apartment months
later. Living in low-income housing, receiving
assistance, shopping Salvation Army and other local
thrift shops because I could afford nothing else, that
is where I ended up. In the beginning it was so
humiliating, but in time I developed a thick skin and it
did not bother me as much. You learn to accept it but
never really become okay with it. You find the strength
to do what is necessary to feed and clothe your
children.
As I look back now I see the Lord’s presence and
protection over my life and my children’s lives. There
were so many blessings both big and small. I was at a
point in my life where I felt “everything was great”. I
had found a great job that I worked very hard at, my
children were in great schools and although in
low-income housing, life was great right? I was so very
lonely! When the girls went to their dad’s, my free time
was spent sitting in bars and looking for men. That’s
what single people do right? Spending more money than I
was making, I was going down the wrong road.
One Sunday morning, after a night out in a bar, sitting
alone at my kitchen table, silence in the air and no
plans for the day, the Lord used this moment to speak to
me. As clear as anything he said to me “you need to be
in church today”. I said out loud, “what do you mean I
need to be in church today?” I had not been to church in
years; I was not even married in a church. I sat there
so still. This voice was so strong and direct that I
answered, “Well okay but I don’t know where to go”. I
took out the local phone book and looked up churches.
None of them seemed right. I knew the Catholic Church
was not the right choice since I was now divorced. He
led me to choose a non-denominational Christian church
and I actually went. Local people knew it as a “born
again” church. Good thing I did not know that at that
time or I would not have gone. “Born again” to me always
meant a church of whackos who were never allowed to
drink!
Well this day was awesome; people were reading from
bibles, the Pastor gave the most amazing service. The
Lord has a way of always making the service exactly what
you need to hear. I could have stayed there all day. It
felt so safe and comforting. Although I knew no one, I
no longer felt so lonely. The Lord drew me closer to him
and from that day forward I started moving towards a
relationship with him. During this time is when I bought
my bible, my favorite book.
I continued going to this church for a while but then
began to feel like an outsider. I could not be involved
in the church like everyone else, being a single parent
and working full time leaves you not much time for
anything else and can be quite exhausting. Perhaps the
truth is that I was not ready to become involved in any
church.
So I left that church, went back to the Catholic Church,
moved from church to church, always seeking and hungry,
but I was never sure what I was looking for. I got
remarried to a wonderful man who truly loves me, accepts
me and tries hard to understand me. We had our first of
two sons who would bless our lives, yet still I felt something
was missing.
After a few years of this, I finally found him! While
attending another new church, through the power of the
Holy Spirit working in the Pastor, the bible studies and
in me, I found him! I was on fire and now understood,
knew what being able to see really was! It was exciting
and awesome. Finally I realized what a personal
relationship was and realized what I had always been
looking for.
The Lord continued to draw me closer, so tightly to him.
Only months later would my family, marriage and life as
I knew it be completely ripped apart. I found my faith
tested. Over the years I have held tight to my faith and
grown more secure. Healing still continues from the
personal crisis I went through. I take one day at a time
as I encounter my share of new daily struggles, just as
we all do.
I have found that the most peace and pleasure, joy and
fulfillment you can have in life is found in the Lord.
Song and scripture is where I turn and am thankful to
all who have helped me in my Christian walk.
He has shown me so much. His Word has been so powerful
to me and with each day, I pray that I will continue to
grow and be more refined in him. I know I fall very
short and don’t deserve any of what I have been blessed
with, but I pray that with this one life I have been
given that I can be a blessing to others. This is the
person I have become.
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